16 September 2007
My First Disciples, Part 4
Biblical Principles For Growing Kids God's Way
David J. Brown

ILLUSTRATION: TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way
6. If I'm doing or building something, ALL the pieces are mine
7. If it just looks like mine, it IS mine
8. If I saw it first, it's mine
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine
10. If it's broken, it's YOURS

TEXT: MATTHEW 22:35-40
PRAYER

1. THE GREATEST COMMAND & THE MOST BASIC PROBLEM
What does the Bible say about mankind's nature?
- Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:12-17 - Famous passages about the fall of Lucifer (now Satan, the adversary) who became proud because of his abilities, position and appearance
- Genesis 3:6 - Famous passage on the first disobedience of mankind, serving self instead of God
- Sin = self - each of us is self-oriented, self-ruling, and self-gratifying
- Righteousness = non-self - being others-oriented, others-serving, and others-pleasing

What then is the foundational ethic in the Bible? What would be the greatest command?
- Matthew 22:35-40 - Love God, and then love others as yourself
- Philippians 2:2-5 - Esteem others better than yourselves, look out for the interests of others
- 2 Tim 3:2 - On the contrary, in the last days, "men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, unloving, unforgiving …"

So, the basic heart issue for everyone of us is: Are we self-oriented or others-oriented? Do we love and serve self or others more?

2. THE GREATEST COMMAND FLESHED OUT
"Loving others" - What does love mean in the biblical sense?
- Agape - An unselfish, self-sacrificing commitment to meet the needs of another person (Most used in the N.T. of relationship between God and His people - commanded between believers)
o Agape does not come from inspiration, because that comes and goes
o Agape is a choice, followed by repeated choices, which develop a practice of others-orientation

- Phileo - A warm-hearted, spontaneous affection, liking, or attraction to another person (used often in the N.T., but never commanded)
o Phileo comes from inspiration; it is not a commitment or a discipline, but it may rise to that level
o Phileo is why people become friends, why people fall in love

- Storge - Fondness and affection toward family (used several times in N.T. translated affection)

- Eros - Physically intimate love (not used in N.T. - considered lewd in Greek culture)

Three Tiers of a House
- The foundation is the commitment love that each of us is to have for the other. Agape love is a commitment for life to the betterment of the other cherished person by meeting their needs. It is not a warm, fuzzy feeling.
- The walls are affection and feelings that are anchored to the foundation and are built with common interests and experiences. In a Christian home, phileo and storge should grow alongside agape.
- The roof rafters are physical intimacies between husband and wife, which are an extension of the full commitment and passionate affections of the married couple.

3. THE GREATEST COMMAND FOR YOUR KIDS
What Are We Shooting For?
- Children that look for, and respond to, the preciousness of others; God first (godly person), and others second (good, moral person)
- A morally responsive child will have a preoccupation with the concerns of those around him or her
- Others-orientation can't come from inspiration, because inspiration comes and goes
- We said that agape love is a choice, followed by repeated choices, which develop a practice of others-orientation
- When it comes to training, you have to help a child with all of those repeated choices - a lot of work

Fill the Moral Database!
Repeat Key Phrases
- Preciousness of others
- Others first; me last
- Build up; don't tear down
- I'm happy for you (when others win)
- Will you forgive me
- Jesus, Others & You spells JOY
- Life is for service
- It's about serving, not being served
- Those who give love gather love

Memorise key verses
- Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another (all "one another" verses)
- Do unto others as you would have them do to you (Golden Rule)
- Let another man's lips praise you and not your own
- Do all things without murmuring and disputing
- Edify one another

• Sarah never wins - duh! How do you respond?
• Be quiet Jimmy
• Don't be mean to your sister
• Appeal to the heart: How do you think that makes her feel? Do you love her? Loving her means wanting her to win, and comforting her when she loses.

Give Them The "Why" Sometimes
Parents consistently fail to teach the moral or practical reason behind the requested behavior. What is the result? Children know how to do right (act morally - temporary/robotic) but don't know why to do right (thinking morally - lasting/natural).

Give them the reason before they even ask.
- The toddler years (0-2) - they don't understand your language well enough
- Age 3 through adult
The moral "why" - the preciousness of others
The practical "why" - the common sense reasons

When they ask "why?" ascertain the motive
The why of curiosity
The why of comprehension
The why of challenge

When it comes to answering "why," what would be the likely problem with the authoritarian parent? Obey without any "why." The permissive parent? Endless explanation and arguing about "why."

ILLUSTRATION: Elly taking a spanking for Nick