30 September 2007
My First Disciples, Part 6
Biblical Principles For Growing Kids God's Way
David J. Brown

TEN RULES FOR RAISING DELINQUENT CHILDREN
1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he's "cute." It will also encourage him to pick up "cuter" phrases that will blow off your head later.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him "decide for himself."
4. Avoid use of the word "wrong." He may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves around - books, shoes, clothes, toys. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing responsibility on others.
6. Let him read any printed matter or watch any TV he wants to. Be careful that the silverware and glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.
7. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never force him to earn his own. Why should he have it as tough as you did?
8. Take his part against neighbors, teachers and the police. They are all prejudiced against your child anyway.
9. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him."
10. Prepare for a life of grief. You are likely to have it.
Issued by the Houston, Texas Police Department

BIBLICAL COMMANDS
o Matthew 28:19-20 - Make disciples
o Philippians 3:17 - Follow my example; you have us for a pattern
o Philippians 4:9 - Do the things that you learned, received, heard, and saw in me
o Deuteronomy 6:7 - Teach your children, and when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up

BIBLCAL DISCIPLESHIP
o "Discipling is the process in which a Christian with a life worth imitating commits himself for an extended period of time to a few individuals with the purpose of aiding and guiding their growth to Christian maturity and equipping them to reproduce themselves in a third spiritual generation." Allen Hadidian
o Parenting is the Bible's first model of discipleship!
o Discipline = discipl'in
o A disciple = a disciplined learner from another in the process of walking together
o Child discipline = training our kids (through continual interaction and talking) in knowledge, skills, and a heart for people so that they develop moral willpower
o Notice the time element! You have to spend lots of time together to disciple your kids!

Discipline's Two Sides
o Positive side - Instruction, coaching, and encouragement using the tools of education, sports, personal responsibilities, jobs, etc.
o Negative side - Correction using rebuke, reproof, natural consequences, isolation, loss of privileges and spanking (chastisement)

Discipline's Two Sides - Positive
Instruction is filling the child's mind with what is right and wrong, how to do things, etc.
o This builds knowledge, which is foundational to everything else
o Instruction - 25x in Proverbs
o Knowledge - 42x in Proverbs
o "We move from acquaintance to friendship to romance. Romance without knowing someone is based on one thing - looks."

Coaching is watching them in the game of life and commenting to sharpen them
o This builds understanding, which is the ability to discern bad, average, better, best
o Understanding - 65x in Proverbs
o "What would you do if you were the headmaster and caught those boys? Why?"

Encouragement is motivating and enabling your children to discover their personal skills, talents, and giftedness
o This builds a well-rounded, self-confident, and goal-oriented person
o Some are business-savvy, some good at sport, some very creative
o Requires expense and experimentation
o "Do you want to try basket-weaving?"

Encouragement is motivating and enabling your children to engage in good behavior
o Before an activity, give reminders of what they should or should not do, or ask them
o After an activity in which they have shown good behavior, give praise and rewards
o Remember not to mention the reward beforehand

Tools are the things your child is involved with regularly to develop discipline
o Education - studying is a discipline
o Sports - no pain, no gain!
o Personal responsibilities - room and house chores, quiet time with God, putting toys away, clean-up, dress and hygiene
o Job - Learning as a teenager how hard the marketplace can be

Discipline's Two Sides - Negative
The first rule of correction is to determine whether the act was:
o Childishness - negligence, clumsiness
o Foolishness - intentional obstinance or rebellion (foolishness is not silliness)

Correcting Childishness
Level 1: Admonishment - verbal warning or rebuke (Ephesians 6:4)
o Tell your child the error (which may be obvious) and warn them to be more careful
o Telling them never to do it again is unrealistic
o Don't repeat and threaten
Level 2: Related Consequences
o Take away the property (glass, bicycle)
o Take away the privilege (feeding the birds, playing in the tree fort) with which they were not careful
o Don't yank it away in anger
o Make them take responsibility for damage to other people or property

Correcting Foolishness
Level 1: Minor things bring admonishment
o Warn the child after wrong behavior only if your command was given a "long" time ago or under different circumstances (where you think the child does not remember or understand)
o "No juice before dinner; no playing over there"
Level 2: Known wrongdoings bring swat, reproof, or time out
o The child's behavior is obviously wrong to anyone (selfishness, temper flare, disrespect borrowing without asking), yet you gave no recent command, and the infraction is not serious
o Time out best for social offenses
Level 3: Rebellion, obstinance, repeated offenses and serious offenses bring the pain of natural or structured consequences
o The child's behavior (whether serious or minor) is in defiance of a recent clear command, or is serious in nature (lying, hitting, stealing)
o Some sort of "pain" (unpleasantness) is necessary to discourage future foolishness

Correcting Foolishness
Natural Consequences
o Physical injury caused by the behavior (running on the roof)
o Being left out when failing to show up on time (hanging out with friends)
o Discuss these consequences and their cause and effect
Structured Consequences
o Chastisement - Inflicting measured pain - ends by age 12
o Isolation from social contact - Prolonged time out, grounding
o Logical consequences - Failing a test, return of stolen item, loss of privilege, labor

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Hebrew 12:5-11
And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as His children.

For what child is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?

For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Questions:
o Have you filled your mind with knowledge from God's Word?
o Are you exercising discernment for yourself and in front of your kids?
o Are you self-disciplined as a model for your kids?
o Can you receive a rebuke or an admonition or coaching from someone else?
o Do you see natural consequences as the Lord's chastisement for your good?
o Parents, are you discipling your children?
o Are you willing to take the time to read them the Bible, and talk with them about … everything?
o Are you giving them opportunities to discover their gifts and abilities (not mimic yours)?
o Are you careful to distinguish between childishness and foolishness?

o Parents, are you discipling your children?
o Are you willing to take the time to read them the Bible, and talk with them about … everything?
o Are you giving them opportunities to discover their gifts and abilities (not mimic yours)?
o Are you careful to distinguish between childishness and foolishness?
o Are you threatening and repeating?
o Are you being clever to use natural consequences in addition to chastisement?
o Are you using rebuke instead of chastisement?
o Are you seeing discipline as a part of discipleship?
o Are you coaching them to succeed in the future or disciplining for the past?